You can replace the word alcohol with addiction, compulsive eating, gambling, whatever tickles your fancy, it’s entirely up to you.  I do believe however that this step is an important one for recovery and must be the first one taken in order to leave a happy, joyous and free life.

For me I believe Step 1 was taken way before I ever hit a meeting.  I had been in and out of meetings since 1996 not wanting to participate whatsoever in the process.  I’d do the occasional meeting, find it boring (what nerve) and I would not set foot in a meeting again until things got desperate.

I learned early on that I was powerless over my alcohol because I damn well worshiped my bottle, I told myself I would die by the bottle, I would die drinking and I didn’t care.   When I had my first morning drink I can recall thinking finally nobody can stop me from doing what it is that I want to do which was drink every waking hour.

Now how do we come to admitting we are powerless and that our lives become unmanageable.  This is the one and only step that we cannot fail, we must do this step 100%. A definition for feeling powerless is a situation where we have no defense against the first drink/drug/food etc. Sandy Beach has a great speaker tape on this subject Step 1 by Sandy B. you should take the time to listen to this, its not too long but what he says will hit home.

Once I completed the first step I had unfortunately stayed on it for many many years, even in my sober years and I couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t happy, I was I constantly looking for something else in my life.  It’s so hard to explain other then to say I was very unhappy.  My life even in sobriety had become unmagageable because I wasn’t following the 12 steps.  This is my opinion simply because since I started following the steps I have had a more peaceful feeling inside, more hope, more faith and I now am convinced that I am not walking alone.

Do you feel as though you’re powerless over alcohol/addiction/overeating/sex/cigarettes?  What is it that makes you suspect/feel/know that your life has become unmanageable.

I’ll tell you even in my sobriety, I started to see my life fall apart before my eyes and now I have a renewed faith that things are starting to come together slowly but surely.  It may take awhile but it’s a constant progress even when I take a step back (its usually my fault and a direct result of my will).

Please leave me some comments on your experience with this step, it would be much appreciated.  If you would prefer I not post the comment, I will respect your confidentiality.

Keep Coming Back! It works if you work it and if you don’t it sucks.

I have a new sponsor, my first sponsor ever for that matter and she had given me a CD of her story to listen to, which I thoroughly enjoyed and felt that I had chosen the right person to sponsor me.  After hearing her story, I went to a book discussion meeting last Saturday.  They were on page 75 of the Big Book and it was Joe and Charlie on CD who was discussing the 5th step.  I was so enthralled by this new idea of listening to old timers discuss the big book.  I listened with total awe, I couldn’t believe the information that was being shared.  This coming from a woman who couldn’t stand speaker meetings many years ago, I guess I was too selfish and not interested in hearing other people’s stories.

Once I got home I proceeded to Google Joe & Charlie.  Well not only did I find them but I found a whole treasure of speaker tapes.  I felt like it was Christmas and believe it or not, it only got better.  I randomly chose another speaker (knowing I would be listening to Joe & Charlie for the next few weeks) and this speaker was Sandy B. of Washington.  His story, the way he tells it just rings so true for me I cannot believe it.  The best part of Sandy B.’s story is all the insight in the program that he shares with us and he’s dead on as though he knows us alcoholics (he does, he’s one of us).

So for the last few days I’ve been listening to Sandy B. whenver I’m in front of my computer he’s playing and I really want to share this with you because it might just help you to see something that you hadn’t seen before.  His explanation of the EGO that darn thing that doesn’t want you to be happy, touched me and has helped me ignore the evil EGO so that he doesn’t destroy what I have and what I want which is a beautiful spiritual life.

Here’s a link to one of Sandy’s Speaker Tapes.  I hope you take the time to listen to his story, he has so much to share and I hope you find something in there that will help you so you can be happy, joyous and free.

Keep coming back. It works if you work it